June 6th Round Two, I Hope

Well, it’s sad to say that over t

he last couple of months, I have not been true to myself and that I am struggling to stay were I ended up in Feb of this year.  I do believe that I lost sight of what I want.  My thinking changed too-to feeling deprived and “ripped off” and asking all kinds of justification questions like “How come I can never be “normal” again, and have what I want when I want?”  “…you only live once and so…” and so many other thoughts and attitudes towards food and eating.

When I was really heavy, I never had the junk food.  I always passed up the cake and ice cream at parties, I didn’t do that stuff to myself.  I was the one having the fruits and vegetables and more of the healthy stuff.

Now; now is different.  If there is a baked good or pastry, I am so there.  I have eaten that stuff since I reached my goal of 130 and justifying it with, I’m skinny now so I can, I’m entitled, I’ll work it off later, and more.

Now + 20 lbs since then, maybe I can’t.  I have to get back to where I find my reason why am I doing this. Why aren’t I pushing myself to loose the weight I just put on?  Why aren’t I working harder at boot camp and I know that I am letting myself down.  I have some mental work to do.  I need to get back and find the support and focus that I had before so I can get there.

Tis the beginning, again.

Cheryl